Las Aventuras en el Abismo Estrecho

Adventures on the Narrow Straights:
an analysis of the stretched abyss


One Page Narrative

"Well you'll never see water come out of my elbow."
(4-year-old Bernadine)

Editorial Piece



Holiday season



candy cane fate



my little metaphor.

keeps evolving and evolving...



why why


I like!

What a character..

daar is die dan wat vind je ervan. het geeft ook niet hoe je het ziet... je geeft gewoon en neemt enorm, je zweeft hier rond en in mijn mond en rond en rond. dan denk ik weer elke keer elke keer elke keer elke keer wat zweeft hier rond? zo in mijn mond. in mijn keel en tot de grond wat zweeft hier rond en rond en rond. ik wil niet vallen voor een hond en ook niet denken over wat komt. niks meer hameren en niks verklaren... het zweeft toch rond en rond en rond.


makes you feel that way.

it's ambiguous. i don't want to give in to this feeling, it's too real. it's something that has permanence, that has substance... ironic considering the ephemerality that is its virtue. it's irrational, it's distant from any stronghold. yet it clings. it rejoices yet it possesses. it is too real in its grasp. i haven't held on to anything like that. only when i am the only one involved. as soon as there's another character it's not a monologue anymore. logical. but it changes everything. the little voice in my head talks back... but wouldn't start talking without me inciting it first. the dialogue is with my perspective. there is no third eye. the little voice responds but doesn't hold on to me, doesn't depend on anything, and my dependence on this conscience is completely within my control. there are no hidden corners of my conscience left to discover, it's grown to me, developed with me, and it comes when i need it. how do you hold on to something that holds on to you? it's levels and levels of clasps, or hooks, or snaps, or buttons. those junctions that are so nice but also difficult. how do you keep away from this attachment? how do you get closer? i like distance beyond the stronghold. the distance gives me the chance to forget that the other perspective is also important. this is my own movie! i like space. but this feeling is new, and it's real, and it's developing. how does a person survive after realizing that you need? that you don't want to undo the clasps? that you want him to be the little voice talking back?




Our house rocks when you want it to.

radiohead and beck.

do you think it might be safer if i sink into the couch?



huilen is weleens nodig

what was it that took over me? i felt like the world was crashing down to a certain extent. there was an intense realization, something that possessed me. i can't be dependent on my parents anymore. i depend on their approval, on their consent, for my own development. discussion is good, it has been so far. but there's a small difference when there's a dependence on this discussion. i need to pull away. become more me and not me without them. it's not fake. it's not a simulation of the real world. i need to enter the real world, without the strings attached. the strings that make me wait on their consent, live my life to please them. show them every move. i do what i do, i know what i know. they're on the other half of the world, for goodness' sake! there's a difference of how a budget works, how money flows. i'm their daughter, not an investment fund. i'm working hard to further myself. i'm not going crazy with going out, with anything. so then why feel guilty all the time?
that's what took over me. a tired feeling that my self was being suppressed by an invisible hand. laissez faire, the invisible hand will make sure that all goes well. that's too rational as well. there's not so much THINKING involved with leaving it alone. or any control. it's leaving me be, and then i'll have to figure it out.
if they believe in me, then they should believe in my own invisible hand.






In my Rembrandt and Vermeer class there is this distinct discussion on the expressionism of the face. We see the dramatist approach Rembrandt employs, giving the faces a theatrical emotion that is highlighted with strong lighting. On the other hand, Vermeer's faces have this tendency to avoid definition. His genre paintings of women in daily tasks such as making lace or writing letters give a kind of generic ambiance. We feel so identified with his characters, though. How come there is such an emotional value even though he doesn't give them volume or all the textures as Rembrandt does. Or even the facial gestures. What is it in a face that is static that makes us feel?


other things


Sunday Oct. 21st.

Sunday Lunch at the park with a friend






Trees, Leaves, Ducks galore!
My weekend within different atmosphere.
I loved it.

Chica Guaparo

This is a character I have been designing for Illustration Concepts class, the prophetess of Sandwichism and finding the one-ness in a world where you have to balance so many ingredients.



I hadn't drawn with a pencil for quite a while.. I like the result.


Melt like a Sandwich

Stuff I Like.. research

COMIC BOOK Inspiration... didn't go into the Forbidden Planet but checked it out online....
BOTERO "Still Life With Le Journal" - i just like the way daily life objects get a personality...

Gaiman P. Craig Russell's
'Coraline'i think this graphic novel is called. I like the page setup and the contrasts in values.


Global Issues response thoughts

Fashion and Nostalgia

Makes me want to return to the values of my grandparents, and appreciate that which I have inherited from this generation. The pearl earrings that will last a lifetime, the leather shoes that one takes care of. Instead of giving in to the material nostalgia of always being in the here and now. It's definitely a paradox as Appadurai says. We look towards this unknown future and have nothing really to hold on to. We feel we are drowning into the past if we don't keep up, and security is no longer in what you really have that will last that long. It's more about what you have that brings you in the trend of this second. I'm having great difficulties describing the circles that go around in my head about this.
I just moved here from a world where I still had much to do with the previous inherited notion of value through patina. What you have, is what you have and it's pre-established. And I'm overwhelmed by costs as I move to New York. I have to have so many new things, I must get in debt to keep up. That's what Appadurai means with the "revolution of consumption" fueling a different view, that there is a "deformation of the experience of time by the structures that currently organize consumer debt." Instead of having nostalgia for what you already have, you now have nostalgia for what you should have, and thus, should buy.
How do we reject this notion? I do not want to give in to the fads, or to the way consumerism is working in the United States, namely New York, to such an exaggerated extent. Buy and give away as you buy something new that's important. It's WORK, as he mentions, and it stresses you out! Thinking in your head what you can buy, what you think you NEED to buy, and then working your ass off to pay back what you decided a little while ago. The easily available consumption is also what proves this. You don't save up to buy something, there is no time. You buy and then pay back. It's like the budget I have now, that I know what I have, I'm not saving up for it, and I just consume hoping that ends will meet when I figure it out in the future. I just know what I "need" to buy now and then decide later to see how I'll pay for it, even if it means working more.
It does give more opportunities though. Since more people have access to debt than to savings, it's manipulating the access to the masses of money. You can always get a chance to consume, except if you "waste away your chips" as Appadurai mentions, and then end up on the street watching others gamble their life and how to make ends meet.
Then in conclusion Appadurai mentions the "aesthetics of ephemerality" - I want something tangible! But it's no longer about having the commodities which will please the need to possess, since I will most likely buy it with a credit card whose debt I will have to repay. It's about finding a way to consume substantially, back to to the "patina" principles of something you can wear (and keep for longer times) and wear out, rather than feeling that you're only on top of things if you buy more to wear. Having more is actually more imagined, more ephemeral.